Right here with me

 

Being her mom has been an honor....

Almost 19 years...

The memories I will keep right here with me.

Sissy

March 7, 2003 -

December 20, 2021

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Finding my balance

 It's difficult to put into words what the world feels like to me now...

Usually finding the words comes easy but how I feel now is not easy to describe.

When you have someone who constantly wants to be with you, like every minute of every day, for 18 years. (cant even get close enough to you even when he is on your lap)

And then he is gone.

It does something to your equilibrium.

I'm trying to find my balance.

I miss how much he loved me.

This photograph is of Mikey sitting in the window while I'm outside, I think the look says it all.

He didnt like us to be apart.

I dont like it either.

Model is Mikey

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I wonder if they knew one another

It's crazy because of all the scenarios I had played in my head while I was pregnant with my son back in 2003....

I never ever imagined it would go the way that it went.
There was no way to prepare for his death at all.

I was 6 1/2 months pregnant one minute, decorating his room, gathering things that he would need...nesting I suppose.

And then the next minute I was in hospital bed surrounded by nurses and Doctors who were telling me that my son was going to die as soon as he was born.... which was 12 long hours later. 12 hours of listening to his little heart beat inside of me, knowing it would soon come to a stop.

I suffered from a Placental Abruption, oh but I was suffering from so much more.

I held him afterwards for a long time, we even napped together for an hour. I got to put a diaper on him and a little hat and shirt and wrap him in a blanket. They took photos of him for me and before we left the hospital they gave us a little satin box that contained a birth/death certificate (not a certified one but a hand written one), it also contained these little cards with his hand prints on them and his footprints...a Keepsake Box .

Within a couple of days we were picking out his itty bitty casket and then a plot at the cemetery, his funeral was so surreal to me....I just wanted to go home. My heart ached, my head ached and my body ached...my body did not understand that he had died and so I had all the milk but no baby to feed, it was physically uncomfortable and emotionally excruciating.

On the way home I remember thinking about the little white kitten that had been following me around since my son had passed on...he had been sitting up with me each night as I cried and following me from room to room during the day.

Through all of the sorrow I was feeling in that moment after the funeral, I felt this little bit of comfort knowing he would be there when I got home...I mean that thought literally took the edge off...

Now, 13 years later I wonder if they knew one another, Mikey and my Son...

Because the plan worked so perfectly.

Or could this have been just one of those things?

I don't think so.

The footprints here belong to my Son and the Model is Mikey

You can read our entire story below if you want to.

https://www.facebook.com/notes/mikeys-house/a-friendship-is-born-mikeys-story/817579804950845

In Memory of
Johnny Boyd Brown
A Little Boy Born too Soon
July 1, 2003- July 1, 2003

Mikey's House
https://www.facebook.com/mikeyshouse/
http://www.mikeyshouse.org/

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Bored

They say that animals are difficult to read but honestly, this has not been my experience, at least not with Mikey anyway, he is a pretty easy read.

As you can see here, Mikey makes it pretty obvious how he is feeling. LOL

I was in the hall taking pictures instead of playing like Mikey wanted to do so he jumped up on his rail and through himself down with a big sigh...LOL

Model is Mikey... Bored

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SOMETHING YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO MIKEY'S MOM

If there is one thing that you should never say to me when it comes to Mikey or any cat it would have to be "Oh, he is just a cat".

"Just a cat" is a term many people use but they rarely use it around me, especially when they are talking about my Mikey but it has happened a time a two.
My response is always more than they want to hear but I usually make them suffer through it anyway. LOL

I have no problem telling people that Mikey is my best friend, not ever. Some people totally get it and have no problem with it at all but then there are others who give me that 'you are a crazy cat lady look' which usually makes me want to prove how crazy I really am...about Mikey. 
People who do not appreciate cats usually don't like to hear about them and when I am talking with People like this and they decide to shrug Mikey off as any kind of "real friend" he could possibly be....I have to set them straight.
If my best friend was human there would never be any kind of shrug at all or even if my best friend was a dog, that would be acceptable to all as well...but a cat...and then they roll their eyes.

Let me just say this to those people...... (and you know who you are)

When I wake up in the middle of the night and I am finding it hard to breathe...reaching for Mikey and finding him there has literally made the difference

When I wake up in the morning to his beautiful Meow (loud as it is) I am ready to start my day with a smile

When I am scared....his fur has been my favorite hiding place too many times to count.

When I walk in from being gone for even a few minutes....I get greeted like he hasn't seen me in ages, I get head rubs and purrs and let me tell you...it's very difficult to feel unloved around him and there is something to be said for that.

When we play hide and seek and his eyes turn all black when he is doing the seeking....I get totally into it and I am ready to play

When I am having a rough day and all seems to be a mess...he shows up at that moment and he makes it better

He has never hurt me

He has never left me

He looks for me

He follows me around just to be near me

And when I look at him and we make eye contact...he meows every single time. Do I know what he is saying? Absolutely. He is saying that I am his best friend too.

Oh, and he is saying that I should tell all you people who think he is 'only a cat'...to bite me.

Mikey's Cat House

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Today is Sissy's Birthday too

Sissy is Mikey's Sister, his litter mate.
She is different than Mikey in almost every way. 
She stays in the background always, never asking for much and she is very shy with people but not with me. 
I call Sissy my scaredy cat because she rarely leaves my bedroom.
She sleeps on my pillow every single night, it's the only demand she has but she says it politely. Don't let that kid ya though because she talks ALL the time....if I talk to her first, she will keep a conversation going as long as I do.
Sissy is not the "Rockstar" in the family like her brother Mikey is but she has her own place within me that only belongs to her. She has been along on this journey every step of the way and she is also my friend...

Sissy is 11 years old Today.

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Today....He is 11 years old.

I would like to do it again please.
I want to wake up and find his warm tiny body under my covers, still damp from being born (that's where his birth mother put he and the rest of the litter) Instead of being a bit bothered by her putting them in my bed, I would like to whisper in my ear "Remember everything about this moment because one day there will be little that is more important"
And the day that I discovered that he couldn't hear, instead of feeling sorry, I would be grateful...because this fact alone would soon save my life. It would become a purpose when I felt my real purpose had died with my new born son.

He has continued to give me reasons since that day.

I have no regrets with Mikey at all but I wish that I could just do it all again just to enjoy him even more because being with him makes me enjoy everything, even myself. I smile more because of him, I laugh so much.
He has grown into this extension of me, our lives are so in sync, our souls entwined.

Today it is eleven years and I want 50 more.

Please.

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Cat Reflections

Mikey was featured for the second time on Cat Reflections ...go check it out , you will just love this place.

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The Spirit of a Homeless Cat

Model is Roo, I rescued him in 2008 when he was homeless.

Roo was put to rest on November 28, 2011.
His presence in our lives is missed every single day.
Roo’s spirit taught me so much about appreciating life…right now.
His sweet soul and kind heart will live on….
for as long as I live, he shall not die.

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What Now?

Lily came here as a tiny puppy and instantly her best friend was Petey; he was an Australian Shepard/Border Collie.
Lily and Petey did everything together and then he was gone.
Just like that.
In just a moment everything she knew was gone.
Watching this sweet girl these past weeks has been heart wrenching for me. I took this shot a couple of weeks ago because this is the look she has been wearing for a while now…that look of lost.
She sits like this looking over the property that was once their playground and I can feel the memories that are running through her mind.
Her days were once filled with a child like play. always messing with Petey, taking his ball and running, sticks too….anything to get him to play with her and it worked like a charm and she knew it would. Lily was a child as long as Petey was here and now she seems all grown.
When she looks up at me I know she wants answers but I don’t know what she should be doing now that he is gone any more than she knows.
She sits like this on his grave too looking out over the canyon and if it were possible, there would be tears falling to the ground.
Don’t let anyone ever tell you that animals don’t grieve because they do and I have seen it with my own eyes and I have felt it when I look at her.
I will say though that since this photo was taken Lily has started coming around a bit. I have noticed the spark within her starting to return a little, that little spring in her step. She is healing. It is a difficult process But I know, beyond a doubt that even when the healing is done, Petey will remain a part of her forever.
For those who are just now meeting Lily….she belongs to my friends Rick and Raeanne, they live on the same property as we do, about a hundred yards away. Lily is a boxer/pit mix and she has to be one of the sweetest souls I have ever known.
Petey was killed on March 9, 2012, he was hit by traffic on a near by freeway. You can read the story here

This is Petey.

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Mikey Needs to Share

Ok, so last night I am upstairs on the computer and I hear my 6 year old Haley downstairs and she sounds mad, she was not yelling but she had that tone. I listened for a moment and did a mental inventory and came to the realization that there could not be anyone down there for her to be getting mad at.
So I walk down there and there the she is, one hand on the hip and the other one is pointing….and there he is, Mikey and he is sitting in a box. The box is what Roo’s grave marker came in. (I will upload a pic of it later, so beautiful, an angel cat with wings and Roo’s name inscribed on it, makes me happy)
So anyway, the box is way bigger than it needed to be for this marker but Mikey was all good with that.
Apparently, Mikey is not the only one in the house with a box fetish.
As soon as Haley turned and saw me downstairs she said “Mom, Mikey needs to share” I started to laugh which turned out to be the response she was not looking for. By this time she is full on pissed off, she said “everytime I try to get near the box he tries to get me, he’s not being nice and he is not sharing Mom, I want to play with the box too.”
Mikey is sitting in the box just looking all smug.
He is totally deaf so he cannot hear a word of what she is rambling but he knows she wants the box and he’s got it and I swear I could see a smirk on his face.
So then I really start laughing and Haley was not amused, “she said this is not fair, you need to teach him how to share.” Then she looked at Mikey and said forget it, I don’t want the box anymore and she stuck her tongue out at him and he just got more comfortable in his new box. LOL She told him “you wait until tonight when it’s bed time and you want to cuddle in my bed, nope, I’m not doing it.”
I am still laughing. It was too funny .
About an hour or so later I was doing laundry and I was out there a while, when I came back into the house it was quiet so I went in Haley’s room to check on her and she was fast asleep…and Mikey was right there next to her, head on her pillow, she had her arm around him.
Model is Mikey

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When You Miss Me

It is just so sad to see your cute little face in the window as I drive away to take Haley to school or to go to the store. I know all the trouble you go through to try and stop me from going. I really never want to leave you.
But coming home is always nice as you greet me at the door with that giant meow that deaf cats have and you begin to circle my feet and meow some more…. continuously until I put my stuff down and say hi to my Mikey…there is really no other feeling to compare this to because this moment belongs to only us because it is our friendship and best friends always have their own way.
When you miss me…I miss you too.
Model is Mikey

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A little more Mikey

Mikey is just this beautiful creature - but it really comes from within. Taking pictures of him started out as something for the photo album but quickly turned in to a hobby and now it's something I would like to do professionally.  His gorgeous face has inspired me to want to be a photographer.





















Ok well....these are just Mikey's feet which I find absolutely adorable. Enough said.

















Mikey is so silly and so sweet. As soon as I break out the camera, he starts to pose. We are a team, each of us knowing our part. This is true not just with photography but in our life as well; as best friends, we compliment and complete one another but most of all we just love each other.

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