Finding my balance

 It's difficult to put into words what the world feels like to me now...

Usually finding the words comes easy but how I feel now is not easy to describe.

When you have someone who constantly wants to be with you, like every minute of every day, for 18 years. (cant even get close enough to you even when he is on your lap)

And then he is gone.

It does something to your equilibrium.

I'm trying to find my balance.

I miss how much he loved me.

This photograph is of Mikey sitting in the window while I'm outside, I think the look says it all.

He didnt like us to be apart.

I dont like it either.

Model is Mikey

0

The problem in our society is that we just don't look.... so we don't see.

Why is it that most people refuse to look at the suffering that animals go through?
"I just can't watch those video's" they say or "I don't need to see that stuff", "It won't change anything if I see it".
Interesting how we can't bring ourselves to watch it because it's too awful yet we go to that grocery store everyday and buy the meat, the eggs, the milk and never give two hoots about what it must be like for the animal that had to suffer through it.

The problem in our society is that we just don't look.... so we don't see.

If we had to watch what really happens behind the scenes, I believe most people would not be eating what we eat today or buying products that we use everyday.  Instead of facing the reality we stick our heads in the  clouds and pretend all is right with the world but inside we know that this place is very sick, even if we don't look at it. And it's not just about the meat, it's about the fur, the testing, the neglect, the whole attitude that animal suffering is just not the same as human suffering but even if it is so different as many claim, why would any suffering be ok especially when it is within our own power to stop it?

Will it ever stop?

I came across this Pinterest page tonight and found the courage to look through it. Maybe you will find the courage too and then maybe someday soon we will all have the courage to stand up and do what we know is right...and finally stop the suffering...because they should not have to suffer this way.

0

I Don’t Choose to Feel the Way I Feel

With so many people just going through life never giving a second thought to the rights or well being of an animal, I can’t help but wonder why I was born to think so much.
At times it almost feels like a curse because the heartache I feel for those who are suffering is overwhelming but I cannot ignore how I feel or always explain it.

I don’t know why I seem to be the only one in the car who is holding back tears when I see a dead animal along side the road or why the sound of a gunshot in the distance during deer season makes my stomach hurt.

I don’t like chasing after the dogs trying to get a dead rat out of their mouth, to some it would be pointless considering the rat is already dead but for me it’s a respect for the dead animal and I don’t know why I feel this way.

I’m not sure why I choose to stand guard when the dogs have chased a squirrel up a tree or under a wood pile making sure the squirrel gets away safely, I just do it, even if it means I stand guard for the better part of my morning.

I don’t understand my insistence of saving my cats natural prey, spending two hours trying to save a lizard that has found his way into our house of five cats.

I don’t know how I can reach down and pick up a large wild rat that my cats have cornered in our kitchen and carry it to safer ground, I never even gave it a thought while others stood there looking at me like I was crazy.

I don’t know why it doesn’t bother me to syringe feed a cat who is sick and has no appetite or clean up a mess that the dog has made in the hallway because she has an upset tummy.

When a friend calls and says a dog she knows is getting ready to be taken to the pound because he doesn’t have a home. I am not sure why I would get in my car at 9pm and drive 40 miles to get him. I didn’t know the dog, I do now, his name is Petey and he lives next door.

And then at a different time do it again because that same friend knew a black cat that was in trouble and needed help. I picked him up and named him Roo.

I don’t know why I would spend a month of my time rehabilitating a praying mantis who got caught in a web and broke his leg or why I feel the need to rescue caterpillars who get caught in early storms..

I don’t know why it is so important to me to trap feral cats so they can get fixed and then released back into the wild.

Animals are just a natural part of my existence I wouldn’t know how to act if I didn’t have five sets of little paws following me from room to room. And how would I ever get a thing done without their help? And the cat hair on my clothes, on the couch, in my nose, I would end up having allergies or something without it.

Animals make my life rich….they make me smile when I really don’t want to smile.

I don’t choose to feel the way I feel, I just feel it. Some think I am crazy to spend so much time and energy doing what I do but I am not really doing anything but being me.
It’s not easy to always care which I suspect is the reason most people turn their heads but for me turning away would hurt so much more than helping. I guess it comes down to what we as individuals can live with.

I know there are many people in this world who feel the way I do but on an average day when I look around, I feel small, alone in this fight as I watch others just look away
And though at times, it seems it would be easier to not care I know in my heart that life is not about how easy it is to get through.
It’s not easy at all.
But the rewards are endless.

Hearing them purr.
Watching them play.
Knowing their tummies are full.
Seeing them live their lives the way that they were meant to live.

I cannot change the world, I cannot save them all, I am only one girl.

But I can absolutely make sure that the animals that come into my life will have a voice, they will have their rights upheld. These are not rights I give them; these are the rights they were born with, that we were all born with.

We all breathe air, we all bleed red, we all feel, we all fear.

No, I cannot save them all but just saving one matters.

Some have asked what I get out of all of this…my answer is simple.

I can sleep at night.

1

Roo's Angel Kitty

I cannot explain how wonderful it is to look out over Roo’s grave and see this sweet little angel….may not seem like much but to me it is the world.

Yes, this is Roo’s grave marker that I ordered and I am so glad I did. I have been having such a difficult time going outside and seeing his grave since he died. We put him right on the outside of the garden so I see his grave anytime I’m out there which had me a bit worried there for a little while because we spend a lot of time in the garden during the summer. Well, I was worried until this cute little thing arrived. Now every time I look over there I can’t help but smile and that’s what I should be doing because Roo brought so much happiness to my life. I know he must be pleased right now, making me smile was his specialty.
And the Angel next to his marker is from my friend Sandy, she always knows how to make me feel better and this angel for Roo’s grave really touched my heart.

My sweet Roo.

…I shall see beauty
But none to match your living grace.
I shall hear music
But none as sweet as the droning song
With which you loved me.
I shall fill my days
But I shall not, cannot forget.
Sleep soft, dear friend…

0